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cantiaohai aka mini_ds

Never have I felt such strong emotions for a camp before. I wonder whether it is because of ODAC's very own unique family culture that touched me deep in my heart, or it is because I have chosen to push myself all the way in, letting myself loose in this family and really be myself, which is why I have found so much joy in the past 6 days. I want to hold on to these memories tightly. In the future, the bonds may fade and our friendships might become ordinary.... But I believe that all of us will definitely remember the times we had during camp and when we look back, we will be glad and happy that we once had all those times together. Family is not about maintaining it forever, it is about how close we once were and how much we cherish one another!

Day one:
I woke up early not to go for camp, but instead I went to Pamela's house to do up the freshie gift. Basically, I missed most of the camp on first day and I felt extremely lost when I saw the freshies and seniors being able to talk to each other naturally already and I am still left on the sideline. I decided to push myself in to mingle with the freshies as that will be the only way for us to bond. Night cycling started all of the suan-ing from fellow SAs to even the freshies. I couldn't cycle but I was really just glad to be able to follow them around and providing them with motivational food and drinks. Sighs but they totally suan-ed me for chao geng-ing! >< I didn't do it on purpose!

Day two:
First time dragon boating and as usual I was screaming away! But it was an excellent experience and IT WAS AWESOME! The right side of my body was aching like mad afterwards but still worth it!!! I felt that the bonds within the OG still wasn't that strong but it was only the second day! :D We went rock climbing and bouldering and I cheered the freshies on! The grocery shopping trip did make the seniors and freshies grow closer as we worked in a group and fooled around here and there!

Day three:
Packed our bags and all ready to head up to taka melor! :DDD Slept all the way there and played some games with the freshies whie waiting for other OGs at the customs. KENA FORFEIT AND GOT DRAWN AN ANIME EYE ON MY EYE! Sighs, tons of people were staring and staring and staring and laughing! Opened my eyes and saw the entire OG crowding in front of me staring at me kena forfeit!

AND I DEVELOPED AN EYE CANDY! :DDD He is rather cute and popular among the freshies as well HOHOHO! And it kinda escalated when he was trying to sabo me during the game, refusing to change positions with others and trying hard to confuse me. Sighs which he managed successfully! All the way up to taka melor and we played gladiator, a similar game to my FOC but this time round, I AM A WATER BOMB MAGNET! It smashed all over my head, boobs, ALL OVER ME! DRENCHED FROM HEAD TO TOE AND I DIDNT MANAGE TO SIAM ONE FULL BUCKETLOAD OF WATER COMING!

Cooking competition started and we left the freshies to do it while I assume my usual role during outfield cooking HEH Eye power only LOLS OOPS! Found another eye candy MUHAHAHA but I thought he was very dao and cool coz our conversation totally went into a lull when I tried to talk to him. (Who knew...)

Day four:
Trekking day and I was wondering whether I should leave my passport in the tent and bring it up to trek. Hmm, voiced my question out loud and kena LOL-ed at! Eye candy number 2 commented that we have already crossed the customs so why do we still need the passport?!?! HE TEASED ME ALL THE WAY FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS! Sighs but that totally changed my impression of him! For the better of course! And he was really helpful during the trek! Helping us to cross rivers and stuff (Y) As usual, I was falling all over the place during trek and scared the hell out of my fellow SAs. HAHA OOPS but HELLO I SURVIVED BERKELAH, WHAT IS TAKA! #arrogant :p
Went up to play at the waterfall and got targeted by eye candy number 1, splashed me until so much water went into my ear! SIGHS! I GOT LEECHED! YUCKS! Was kinda freaking out when I see a puncture on my foot, bleeding profusely. But I managed to get over it in the end, after a while. Played splashing games again and again and again and the freshies totally didn't treat me as a senior at all lo! SIGHS MY PRIDE AS A SENIOR GONE GONE GONE! Had my first small-group-htht with a couple of freshies when we were changing in the tent. HEHE shared with them my eye candies and asked them about theirs and I think the excellent thing being a girl will be GOSSIP! :DDD Gossiping bonds the people la! :D Freshies also gossip, seniors also gossip KEKEKE! (Y) I felt really glad and touched that they are willing to share all these with me, holding up the CIRCLE OF TRUST!

Cooked for the freshies while they discussed for their cheer fight. OOPS Irritated my boss while I went on my laughing frenzy! And that led to eye candy number 1 saying that I had too much of bacon bits LOLS Which somehow led to me eating too much magic mushroom! HAHA MY MAGIC MUSHROOM IS SHITAKE MUSHROOM WITH CHEESE! Campfire night was awesome! I performed the seniors' skit, playing as the lamp post! LOLS I really did felt a huge sense of belonging when all the subcomms ran out to do their cheer and take photos! It seemed so surreal, it felt like yesterday when I went for ODAC interview. Felt like yesterday when I attended the first meeting and everything doesn't seem so far away. But amazingly, one year has already passed. I am really thankful that I made the decision to join the ODAC family back then. It is one decision that I will never regret. I felt really touched when all of Aira grouped together, arms over one another, in a circle, voicing out our feelings and opinions that we have for the camp so far. I think that the overseas trip really did bond all of us as we play and work together to conquer all the obstacles and conflicts. I thanked everyone for accepting me for who I am, even though I might be weird and keesiao... I am happy that they gave me the attention because that just shows that they love me! The campfire was really awesome with PRETTY AND BRIGHT STARS and AWESOME FIREWORKS and TRUE HEART HTHT and LETTING GO OF THE KONG MING DENG! IT'S SO FREAKING HEARTWARMING!!! 

Day five:
The return journey back to Singapore and I finally sat on the freshie bus, playing and sleeping together with them was an experience that I would never forget! Eating with them in Nandos was so comfortable, it really did feel like we knew each other for a very very long time. Hehe ODAC felt like home during the subcomm presentation as all of the subcomms went up to listen to their bosses talk and cheer for each and everyone of the committee member! I guess this is a feeling that I will only experience once. Once I move on to become an ODAC senior, everything will change. I DUNWANNA I DUNWANNA I DUNWANNA!

Eye candy number 1 ruffled my hair!!! :D Hehe when I smacked my head on the table LOLS *shy* We all went to do the freshie gift together, I am so happy that there is this bunch of people who is willing to help me ALL THE WAY! And willing to stand up for me:
 Eg. Eh don't bully my senior ar!
Is I help you force them use your design de leh, must thank me ar! Haha we crapped, laughed, slept all the way while doing the gifts! So sweet of one of the senior to lend me his shrit to wear coz I was totally shivering like crazy! (Though he was complaining and suan-ing me) And I slept next to eye candy number 2 LOLS (Hope I didn't s-ing though)

Day six:
A lot of things cropped up but I was really happy that we survived it all. And I managed to enjoy the finale and was crying away when the freshies stood up to say their piece, thanking us and AWWSSS! :DDD 感觉像一个月，但是却又感觉时间实在是过得太快了。。。 和他们在一起的这六天真的让我有好多好多感触。。。 太多的委屈让泪水不断地涌上来，但是因为有他们的支持，所以我一直坚持下去。 从而有极大的成就感，感动。 这一次，我深深地感受到了家的定义。

寻找梦想 9:48 PM

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I want to imprint this to my memory eternally.
You don't get such a nice and responsible guy everyday.

Day One:
How it all began!~
He called me immediately after he received an urgent email from his colleague.
And he talked to me about how the system works and asked me nicely about my assignment.
Knowing that it is going to be due that very friday, he promised me that he will call me the next evening, regardless of whether he can get clearance from his HQ.

I was touched and he was cute.
He ended the conversation by saying:"Ok, now I have to go out and solve some crime!"
:D

Day Two:
I waited with unease as the time ticked closer to the end of working hours.
Fell asleep uneasily at 6pm and got really dejected at 7pm.
Thinking that his awesome attitude the day before was all a facade.
But he called! At 715pm, he called!
I was so freaking happy even though he didn't bring me good news and he sounded tired and the conversation was over within seconds.

I was happy because he still remembered his promise.
I put everything I felt into that single "Hi" and amazingly he somehow understood it. That's why I love phone calls and it gets so much better when you know nothing about him and therefore gets to imagine.

Day Nine:
I was so surprised that I got his call again.
Missed it as I was bathing. I was staring at his number in disbelief while my phone rang again.
IT'S HIM! :DDD
He replied with the same knowing "Hi" and I just melted inside.
He asked whether I still need his help.
I was totally torn between the angel's and devil's sides in me.
The angel whispered for me to tell him the honest truth.
The devil hissed for me to lie to him so that I can make use of this last chance to talk a little longer with him.
In the end, the angel triumphed.
I let him go. He seemed sincerely sorry for not being able to help me in time.
And I teased him about me going to him for help again then :D
He graciously offered me to drop him any emails and we said our goodbyes.

That ended our working relationship.
And I was both glad and regretful at the same time.
I am happy that he brought a little colour to the process of doing my CS0204 assignment.
And I shall therefore try my best to remember him, Benson Goh, the communication liaison police officer who is warm, kind, cute, funny and responsible.
This time, I shall remember.

寻找梦想 6:20 PM

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Sometimes words are not enough to describe what we really feel.
There will come a time when I question myself.
Is this really it?
The way that I am leading my life.
Not exactly what I wanted.

"There is simply no time." "Quizzes are coming up." "I have so many commitments."
EXCUSES.

These are just the excuses that I chose for a feeble attempt to explain why I stopped.
Was I ever near?
Does that even matter?
The steps that I have taken, they could be mindless wandering.
Do I care?
Yes.

But that shouldn't be the determining factor.
Why did I stop?

Today, I sat alone outside the library and stared at the beautiful trees.
Always there, always telling me that some things can remain constant for a very long time.
I watched the passer-bys and I felt peaceful.
I felt warm and comforted.

I feel like I found a bit of the me that wants to write again.

寻找梦想 10:31 PM

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The opportunity presented itself.
But then here comes an opportunity for me to decline that original opportunity.
Should I grab onto it just as I did before?
But that would be quitting won't it?
That would mean backing out. That would mean giving up.
And what exactly is holding me back?
The feeling of being committed?
But that is the exact feeling for making me want to quit.
I want to lead a carefree life. I don't want to worry all day about the possible SMSes.
I don't want to be afraid and stressed because the senior emailed.
I don't want to stand in front of everyone and let them hurt my ego.
But I want to learn. I want to grow.
It is painful, and stressful and tiring.
But... Always the 'but'...
Decisions, I really don't want to choose anymore.
I don't know what I want. I don't know where I should go.
Which road I should take. I don't know what I should persevere on.
Once again, I am lost.

寻找梦想 10:07 PM

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Feels awkward.
Wah people end paper liao wor and I just completed my second one.
Sighs, every single paper that I have experienced reminds me of A levels Economics!
I wonder whether is that good or bad.

Feels awkward.
When I am feeling so manipulated and yet I have never mastered the ability to say no.
Kinda hate myself for bringing these onto myself sometimes.

Feels awkward.
Since it has already begin to feel weird when I show my nude part of my heart, perhaps it is time to STOP IT.
Why can't I just do it?

All I do is agree to it, show that I want it too and then moan alone.
WHY?
Yes, I do want it.
Yes, I still care.
But I don't want to anymore, because I know that I will fall back into that dark hole again. I will feel everything that I've felt before.
I don't want to be manipulated.
I don't want to be nice anymore.
Because I no longer want to be hurt.
But still, I can't bear to hurt him.
Is that the reason why I always choose to go along with him every single time?
And then bear with the consequences alone later?
Feeling imbalance and uncertain and stuff?
WHY?
Why must he always appear AGAIN when I have decided to start a fresh page.
And then my new page will be tainted. And then there is simply no point to start again.
I couldn't understand it, not a single part of it.

寻找梦想 10:53 AM

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Had been mugging for the past few days.
And had my first paper today.
Wah! I have to exclaim when I stepped into the exam hall.
GOT THE A LEVEL DE HEELING AR!
Other than the hall is slightly smaller than RV's hall, everything is almost the same.
Ok, apart from the people. I used to be able to recognize everyone in the hall left, right and center.
Ahwells, reminds me a hello lot of H2 Econs.
10 marks, 15 marks, 25 marks essay questions...
Write until my hand LAN DIAO! >.<

Can't believe it that I will no longer see all my profs anymore.
I mean... they are all so cute and kind! :D
Most of my profs anyway.
Haha while collecting my paper, Paul smiled at me! :D
Ohman, seriously I think I like older men more! Oh god! :/

Rewarded myself with my favourite Burger King's mushroom swiss!
And bought a 3 bucks hairband at Helen <3
That totally brought on my shopping desire!
Retail therapy!~
I shall use the many plans that I have made in december to motivate myself to MUG ON!

寻找梦想 9:23 PM

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Figured that I should come up and blog something before today ends.
Since there is so much hype about it being 11/11/11.
It's really great to be born in this century and to be able to witness this I guess.
While everyone is busy wishing, I was kinda busy mugging.
And having a good talk with my mum which I seldom do now because I spend a lot of time in school and with friends.
It's good to just sit there and listen to her rant about her problems at work.
Makes me feel that at least I could be there for her this time.
So that I can somehow show my appreciation in her always being there for me.
So while everyone is looking out for 11:11 today, I guess I was trying to make today more significant for me in my own ways.
Appreciating how blessed I am and studying out with friends and being so close with my friend's family just makes me feel so warm and fuzzy on the inside!
I feel that everything really has been planned out for me.
Even the tiniest details in life have been mapped out to form the pattern of my life.
And that's why from now on, I am just going to follow my heart and instinct.

I missed my bus 176 in the morning and board 97 instead which allowed me to drop at NUS bus stop to meet up with Huiyuan.
I waited super long for bus 176 at night, resulting in me getting home rather late but this way, I got to talk with my mum.
I put off replying to Anna's tweet because I want to facebook first, and that result in me realising that I have 1,111 tweets.

All these are trivial stuff but somehow they lead to events/things that are important to me.
So while I have many wishes unfulfilled, I am still going to be content.
Because somehow I already know that no matter how bumpy the road is going to be, I will be ok.
Going to huiyuan's house today allowed me to watch A Cinderella's Story again.
"Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game."
Many things happened these few weeks, and finals are looming.
But I am just gonna follow my passion and my dreams, and I know that this will lead me to exactly where I am going to be.
And so, today I am not gonna blog about what happened during the past few days.
What I have gone through: weird people, meetings, fun dinners etc
But I am gonna appreciate them all!
Because whether I like it or not, they have already formed part of the chapters of my life. And I am moving on, nonetheless.
So, as people come and go, passing me by, I am just gonna hold on to the people that love me and make the most out of my days with them.
Yes, all of us may have regrets and disappoinment in some parts of life, but we should never let that cloud our vision of the rainbow beyond.

So I wanna take this opportunity in this fateful day of 11/11/11 in this century, I am going to remember how blissful I am now.
I may not have the most perfect life in the world.
But it is already sufficient for me.
And I am going bring the reflections that I have today, to everyday of my life in the future.

寻找梦想 11:39 PM

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