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cantiaohai aka mini_ds

Woah. The past two days have been quite hectic.
The print flow is like OHMYGOD!
Ya, that about sums it up.
Lols everyone in the office is stressed up and hardcore working.

In addition to that, SMU called me on monday while I was busy stamping and printing.
So I was a little frantic.
Furthermore, I didn't even submit my documents and payment.
I thought of giving it up.
Interview next wednesday at school of economics.
Freak out!
Then at night, Anna told me she got accepted by mass comm.
While being happy for her, I started to freak out even more.
And I began to comfort myself by telling myself that I applied later, so naturally the letter will come later.
And with all the early admission long story blah, it's no wonder the confirmation will come later.

Ohwells, then I began tuesday.
Even heavier workload. Sighs.
Before I knock off, some of my colleagues from another department sat me down and continued their "interview".
Lols I told them all about SMU and they discussed with me the possible questions!
*grateful*
Then.... At night, my dad came home with a letter.
Yes, THE letter.
Haha and that's when I flew to the moon and back.
I got accepted into NTU MASS COMM!
But yes, I am back on Earth now, and I am kinda wondering why I am still going for the SMU interview.
Oh yes, experience.
Experience.
I paid 15 bucks for this.
And I can take leave!
Ok. Valid enough reason.
And then... why is NUS not replying?
I want to balance the other factors too aka who are going into which uni, before I make my decision.

Oh and should I apply for MDA scholarship?
It ends on 1st april, but it requires us to secure a place in uni first.
What kind of shit is that.
One page essay?!
2 letters from referees?!
In such a short time?! Bummer.

Should I go for taiwan?
A lot of places I have been there before.
Most importantly, I went to the museums before, and I dunwanna go there again.
Going there again will be wasting time and money.

As the saying goes, we'll see how it goes.

寻找梦想 2:39 PM

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I still haven't go and run. Inertia.

NTU admission is resolved, after many calls and emails.
Well, I asked NUS via email whether I can still add in my discretionary stuff after I submitted my application. They replied me saying that I can attach everything in the mail.
But I am tired. Don't really feel like doing it.
But if i ignore the email, will they still process my application?
Me and my stupid mouth and hand.
Grr. Haven't apply for the universities scholarships yet.
And URA lost touch. Sighs.
Still considering whether to apply for SMU.
Their courses don't really appeal to me.
And even if they accepted me, there is still a high possibility I will reject them.
Then what's the point?

Need to go to the library soon again.
I am finishing all the books already.

Work is boring me with the routine.
Though routine provides security, but I am more of the adventurous type y'know.
Should I quit?

Love the dinner date yesterday!~
Settled my craving for mash potato! And koi!
And saw so many things I want to buy!
Shopping is an addiction, and I will NEVER get enough of it.

寻找梦想 10:19 AM

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Tomorrow is pay day!
Yay! Ohmygod, finances are running on a all time low.
Then I can already foresee my next month pay going off le T.T

To-buy list:
1) Camera
2) Concert tickets
3) Wallet

Oh and I fell in love with the Zara 80 bucks skirt!
It's super gorgeous and it's love at first sight!
Should I buy it?
But it's 80 bucks! Should I tear open my already torn wallet?
Grr! But I really like it!
And it passed the 2 week test le ok!

University Admission is troublesome like mad.
I feel bad also for making those people inconvenient.
Sighs and I just realised that my print flow today is mild because the system is down.
Zzz, so now my colleagues are warning me of the flow tomorrow.
To think I was still so happy and thankful.
Sighs, using their words, "all hell will break lose tomorrow."
So brace myself!
And face Hades, as always.
But at least there is free M&Ms and yakult today.
And a date for me to look forward to tomorrow night. <3

寻找梦想 5:13 PM

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Sort of made up mind. Sort of.
I thought about it throughout the week.
And I ended up telling myself not to worry about the future.
We can't be worried about the unknown, can we?
Life would be too tiring then.
If I can stare at the pen and paper in my hands and smile, then my decision must be right.
The past two days was fantastic.
Consecutive dinner dates:D
Both at clementi~
It's strange that when we are students, we are seldom able to come out on dates.
And simply hang out. No purpose, no agenda.
Just chill. Ya, I like that.
And I realised I crave single company more often now.
And I crave times to be alone.
And I even had strange ideas such as to go running.
Me? Running?
Uh huh, those 2 things don't go together.
But, I was reading Nicholas Sparks' Message in a bottle these few days.
And what he wrote touched me alot. Because they are so true.
Running may be tedious, and tiring.
But somehow, I always forgot the refreshing effect I felt after I ran.
And those moments of silence that is so appealing.
Perhaps, I will really go run this sunday.
I need to clear my head, feel the wind against my cheek, be alone to think.
Perhaps, that may be the reason why I haven't had inspiration in a long time.
It's too crowded. Perhaps running can allow me to breathe.
Tears dropped silently in the printing room.
Why must Sparks make Garett die? When they are about to make things right?
Why must he die?
Why does he write so well? That he is able to use the simplest form of love and touched me at the deepest part of my heart?
But it is precisely that simple love, that is the most difficult to achieve.

寻找梦想 2:32 PM

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Went to the open houses.
Though I take away quite a lot of info, I ended up being more confused.
Environmental studies that is newly offered by NUS is tempting me.
And mass communication in NTU has always been my dream.
The catch is... do I want to stay in an office dealing with all the environmental stuff for all my life?
Sure, they are interesting and I can contribute by some ways of conservation.
But... environmental health? Pollution blah blah blah.
Is that what I really want?
Do I want to work with the carbon credits or engage myself in congestion of traffic and development of a tiny city named Singapore?
Do I?
Then, do I want to write articles everyday?
Go scoop around for the most popular news, or coming up with advertising campaigns?
Do I?
I don't know.
I don't know what I wanna be when I grow up.
And then, all of a sudden, I lost grip of my dream.
What should I do?

Saw someone I know at lunch today.
The part of me that is conscious told myself to call out to him and say hi.
But... my legs took on a different form of command, taking me away.
So, I ran.
Ok. And I came back to office, and this indian guy is checking me out openly.
I mean, ohkay but do you have to be that obvious?
Though you speak in a different language, body language is universal.
It gave me the creeps.
I don't check guys out that way.
EEW.
And so I escaped back into the comforts of my printing room.
Sighs, mind is a whirl.
Take me on a tour :D

寻找梦想 2:28 PM

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Not a bad day today. Not bad at all.
It's mid-week after all :D
Went out to lunch with colleagues again.
And today's print flow made me thankful again :DD
Under the strong recommendation of my colleagues, I bought some bread from a shop with quite a long queue.
And it's cheap and nice!~
I am a bread lover~ Bread with cheese!!
Managed to read 8 chapters of my storybook at work today.
Fabulous! Yes, I am contented this easily.
And I am going dinner with my mum at some famous porridge place.
Double yays!
And I am going home to send in all my application forms to all the related organizations.
And then I shall turn in for the night, early.
Whoopa whoola and then there's more to anticipate over the weekend.
Though it's just the open houses, but still, I will be meeting up with people I love.
And lining the rest of the weeks with outings and activities, I may just love March.
(even though there is no public holidays)
I may just start to feel happy with all these.

寻找梦想 4:55 PM

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Had a wonderful time last night.
Though it cost me about 26 bucks, but it's satisfying.
With the luxurious meal and the fabulous company <3
Cafe Cartel rocks ttm!~ Though my stomach is close to bursting.
I love to just hang out, chill and chat:D
Should totally do that more often.
Happy Birthday to Qianhui!!!
Haha, and my taste in necklace is not bad right :D
Today is great too!
Had lunch with colleague at some vegetarian stall.
And she treated me to desserts afterwards.
Usually I don't like the yam paste, but this one....
Ohmygod! It's yam paste mixed with the black glutinous rice!
It's superb! <3
First time I like eating hot desserts so much!
Crap sms-ing with mr teo. -.-
It started off with serious talk k! Then he turned it into an extortion.
Well, I shifted the extortion back to him, and now he's ignoring me.
Great job. Not.
Lols, I hope everything goes well for constance and me.
Hope that he can sell and promote us well enough!
But who shall be my the other referee? Mr wong?
Gah, this is chewing my brain inside out.

寻找梦想 5:27 PM

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Whoa. Yesterday was whoa.
I was super stressed up in the morning, but I forced myself to stay calm.
As promised, I went to the library.
Did manage to borrow a few books and read a teeny weeny bit.
I didn't really freak out until I was sitted in the hall, listening to the principal talk.
And I was clutching Anna's hand, and tears begin to well up.
What if I didn't do well?
How am I supposed to face my loved ones and how am I supposed to face myself?
What am I supposed to do?
But I wiped the tears away (though it kept coming), and held on to Anna for support.
Going jellies lols
After the talk by the alumni and the principal, telling us how well we've done.
I was kind of like in a daze.
Will I be included in their excellent performance?
Ya, that question pops out quite a lot.
And then they went through the statistics with us.
And yes, RV did well.
The percentage of As are higher than national levels for most of the subjects.
So are the percentages of passes.
That was the first wave of relief.
Second wave came from the 99.7% passes in GP.
Then came the 7 distinction list.
To admit, and to confess now. My heart dropped like a sinking Titanic when I didn't see my name.
But then, a nudging thought came:
How could I ever get 7 distinctions?! My math can get B can um-chio already lo!
Then the sinking Titanic began to rise above the surface just a bit.
Third wave of relief swept me when I saw the 100% passes in geography.
Then we are supposed to go and get our results.
I dragged my feet and hesitated.
But still, I know that I have to face the music.
So I went to queue.
Watching the many faces, the ones smiling and jumping up in triumph.
The ones crying bitterly with disappointment.
Yes, I am afraid. Very afraid.
Then came my turn.
My form teacher was staring at the paper and nodding.
But the only thing that I registered was that he was going to put the paper right in front of me and I WILL see every grade!
And that's when I lost it.
I snatched the paper from him and slammed it down on the table, face down.
But it's redundant.
My form teacher ever so kindly told me all my grades.
Gah. But thanks to him too. I gave him a: ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
Then I jumped up, grabbed my things, apologized to my chemistry aka my co-form and ran towards tzehui crying.
I cried and I cried. And I haven't even take a look at my paper yet.
Haha after I finally mustered the courage to flip open the paper.
I saw another pleasant surprise.
It's good, I guess.
My results are not the best, not really beautiful.
But it was within my expectations. Sort of.
And even my co-form came over to comfort me.
So, I have the Gods for watching over me.
And I am thankful.
I may not be the best, but I know that this is enough for me.
And I did my best.
A little tinge of regret and a little bit of disappointment.
But still, the thrill is greater. The comfort, the relief.
I should be able to get in, should be able to choose.
I may not be top, but at least I made it, so I should be happy right?
Called at my mum. She was freaking out too.
She was afraid that I will be too upset.
But, I am fine. Just a little too agitated.
Went to Huiyuan's house with Constance and Jingyuan, and we just sat there talking and discussing about university courses and future prospects.
Now that my results are able to open more doors for me, I am wavering about the mass comm thing. I want to try out for environmental engineering.
Perhaps, go to NUS and see what geography-related courses they can offer.
Thinking about taking scholarships from PUB and URA.
Mr Teo called me! Blaming me that I never go and find him.
Ohkay, talking about pangseh-ing. AHEMS.
Lols then we chatted abit, seemed to me like old friends. Wow~
Crapped a little with him, and I genuinely felt happy.
There's a long road, still to be completed.
Still a long way for us to go.
Still, there is faith to kept, and hope to be held on to.
Huiyuan's parents are simply so nice! They congratulated us and treated us to Thai Express.
THANK YOU!~
Had a nice celebration last night.
And I am really thankful.
And have to thank my friends and families and colleagues for their concern via calls and smses.
And sharing the smiles with me.
I can't really sleep last night because it was all a little too dreamy.
That the thing I was worrying about so much is over already.
Within minutes.
I told everyone that I am envious of Anna's results.
Who wouldn't be? It's the most beautiful thing on earth.
I know you will get egoistic seeing this, but still...
CONGRATULATIONS~
Happy for you, girl:D

Let all of us hide the sorrow of this day. No matter what regrets and disappointment.
Hide it, and focus on the smiles.
And bring that to our future, the one looming.
The one we are pursuing, and step forth to welcome our dream.
Great job, everybody. We have done well, all of us.

寻找梦想 9:34 AM

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Grr. I cannot believe that I dreamt about him.
Of all people!
Gah. Ok, in case the future me forgets who I am talking about.
Last night I dreamt about a guy.
The guy who likes to walk and talk.
Will I get that hint? Haha
Anyway, I dreamt that I was in some sort of chalet with him, his CCA people and his juniors.
Uh huh. I don't know anybody else, except for him.
Why would I be there in the first place.
Shows how illogical and impossible and ridiculous the dream is.
So, it was night time and we were all sleeping.
He was sandwiched between me and another girl.
Ok. The thing is... I seem to be deeply in love with him in that dream.
So when he went over to the girl and showed his affection for her openly,
I cried bitterly. In the dream.
But it was so vivid, I can feel the heart wrenching feeling in my gut.
Gosh. I cried and I cried.
And he came over to me telling me that: "If your loved one left you, you should fight for him."
Ok. Don't make any sense, I know.
The me in that dream was so real and so ME.
I cringed away from him and forced myself to face the truth.
So I told myself to cry.
It seemed so real, I was surprised that there was not a single tear drop on me when I woke up.
I cried and cried and I told myself that after this, I will not be affected by him anymore.
And then I started meditating. LOLS
And the alarm clock beeped, I have never loved my alarm more.
I am so glad I woke up.
By the way, I think this was a sub dream.
I think I was dreaming about Percy Jackson at first, then I woke up in the middle of the night and went back to sleep again, forgetting the percy jackson dream and dwelled instead on THAT dream.
With the guy that I have taken 4 years to seen the truth about.

Evil colleagues>.<
They keep reminding me that IT'S ONE MORE DAY.
Gah. Lord, save me!

寻找梦想 9:40 AM

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Hmm, interesting.
As we have staggered lunch hours, I usually have lunch alone.
So, I bought my food and sat at a huge round table, occupied by a woman and two men.
I sat beside the woman, but soon after, she left.
One of the men left too.
So I was quietly eating my lunch when the remaining man spoke to me.
He asked me about my food, and how seldom we see that in singapore.
I nodded and agreed.
Then he started asking whether I was local and where did I work.
Out of politeness, I answered his questions.
And then the topics went from work, to results, to River Valley and universities, and its courses.
And it went on further to specific occupations like lawyer, pharmeceutical and teaching.
And then it approached on Mass Communication.
And DJs and news reporters.
And current affairs. ( He totally lost me there.)
Lols then the other man came back with the famous yong tau foo.
And they were surprised that I worked here and yet I have never tried it before.
OK, so the first man ever so kindly gave me a few pieces of the yong tau foo for me to try.
And we chatted some more, and my lunch hour's up so I had to go.
Thank the guys and I left.
Feeling a little weird. I mean they are being very nice, but...
Uh huh. It's so random! I have NEVER met with such situations before.
Ok, ya people are curious and asked a few questions and that turned into casual chatting before.
But giving me food?!
We barely knew each other. And I doubt that we will ever meet again.
Wow, shows that some singaporeans are really kind and friendly huh?
Stun mode ttm. haha and a little on the hysterical side too.
Till I came back to the office and realised that I missed out a stamp somewhere.
And the 2nd supervisor ain't very happy.
Sighs, stupid me. Why did I miss it out AGAIN?!
Gah. Freaking out too.
My colleagues asked about 'A's today.
Gosh. AH!
I will have to calm myself down on that day.
And the best place for me to do that?
I think I'll need to make a trip down to the library before meeting the rest.
Oh the gods, please watch over me.
Zeus, Poseidon, Hera, Hades, Dionysus, Hermes, Ares, Athena, Apollo, Artemis, Aphrodite.
And the minor gods too. Hear my prayers.

寻找梦想 2:36 PM

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