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cantiaohai aka mini_ds

i am giving up.
yes, both of them.
i know that it is 'easier said than done'.
but... i have licked the tip of the iceberg and i dunwan
my tongue to burn becuase of the utmost icy-ness.
it affected me. quite a lot.
so i shall not allow myself to continue and i shall force myself to stop.
远离他们。不让他们有机会伤害自己。
that will be the best that i can do.
站得远远的，就是最好的位置。
还是让时间冲淡一切，过后我就会了解这一切都是错觉。

寻找梦想 6:05 PM

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一时之间的心血来潮，i went to facebook and started typing in the name of my senior.
i was still thinking how to spell and afraid that i will get it wrong.
so many yrs le, abt 4 yrs le leh!
and his spelling is not very easy to rmb de hor.
so i muz thank my memory :D
well, and guess wad．．． he is first on my list! :D
coz he is also taught by mr choy b4 so we have mutual frens.
hmm, so i 鬼使阳差 de went to look at his profile and also his pics.
well i have to admit that he doesn't look as shuai as i rmb him to be.
so that totally proves that 我把他想得太完美了。
but i am still very happy just by looking at photos of him.
becoz somehow like got connection between us le.
if this happens 4 yrs ago, maybe i will add him immediately.
budden, now i am hesitating.
我们，错过那么多次了，是不是因为我们没有缘分，那我是不是不应该强求呢？
4 yrs ago, i am not the one who got his msn, i din get his number.
aft he left, i am not the one who met him on the streets.
now, he din manage to go to copenhagen, denmark.
and so din i. if both of us had gone...
would we have met?
and would we recognize each other?
那么多次的错过，我是不是不应该再执着，是不是应该彻彻底底的远离他？
his build is not bad leh, i dun rmb him being so strong.
haha but he is indeed not tall enough and not that shuai la.
i think if that incident nvr happen, i would not have noticed him.
the only thing is that...
he is in NTU... so i may meet him nxt year. MAY.
and he put NTU'11, so does that mean that he is enrolling nxt year?
meaning that we are in the same year?
so many unknowns and questions...
so lets determinne whether fate will bring us tgth then bah.
Also, i think he is attached. like duh -.-
although he din show his status or anything.
ohkay i change my thoughts.
i saw a photo of him, half naked.
his build is not quite good, is VERY GOOD!
he got six packs! and is super obvious!
actually he looks quite not bad, i juz dun rly like his teeth.
ohmy, why am i commenting on him?!?!
will i rly meet him next year?
i dunno. i shldnt carry too much hope right?
so that i wont get disapointed...
and... wad would i do if i see him again?
i dunno...

寻找梦想 8:52 PM

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haiz~ everything is so complicated.
我发现你很像我的表妹。
那个不懂事，幼稚，八岁的表妹。
外表的你，看不出来。
我好害怕自己有一天会不受控制的爆发出来。
因为那真的不是我想要的。
只是人的忍耐限度有限，也求你不要太过分。
真的很喜欢你平静的时候，很和气的和我说话的时候。

今天的我，心情不好又不坏。
weekends de hmwk 好多哦！
tmr still have dept meeting~ will miss spongebob leh haha
still needa wake up at 7am tmr... zzz
今天的接触，让我没什么感觉了。
是不是说出来之后就发现其实也没什么。
两个，都没什么了。
看到他时，心确实还是会跳漏了一个节拍。
但是下一秒钟，心情就恢复了。
女人还真是善变啊！
那么快就转淡了吗？的确，忽然的喜悦心情减少了。
可能是习惯了吧，所以就没有那么在意。
可能这也就说明这两个都不是。
我对自己的感情敏锐度还真的是有待加强呢。

寻找梦想 8:14 PM

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chem test is quite horrible today...
haiz, and today the mood not really very good la.
在你眼中，我可能很白痴，问的问题对你来说可能真的很无聊，
但是你有没有想过你那么直接的话语，你那么凶狠的目光，会伤到我？
我是真的不知道才回问的啊！
我并不是故意要去烦你，难道你对我就不能有耐心一点吗？
不是没一个人都像你那么‘聪明’。
不是没一个人都和你有一样的想法，所以请不要只顾着自己的意念。
也要看看别人要不要听。
你再这样继续下去只会来开我们之间的距离。
请你再说每一句话的时候，先考虑我的感受。
你再这一方面不是最强的吗？

寻找梦想 8:23 PM

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somehow, i feel weird leh...
like esp when i see him, i got abit of the guitly feel~
no, not abit, but a lot.
think i shld shun.
otherwise i wont be able to go past my own conscience.
let time make everything right.

寻找梦想 7:43 PM

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pe is terrible today...
my legs lose all senses aft the entire thing...
somemore needa go to lt to have math lecture.
i alr felt the strain in my arms when i was changing lols
i felt alright, perfectly when i was running the first 5 rounds...
juz that my calf muscle tensed up...
budden the after effect was damn damn bad.
ohmygod, when i got up frm the ground, sudden dizziness swept me.
ohnos and i totally feel like puking.
dunno is lack of blood or lack of water...
zzz, took about 40 mins to recover, totally unresponsive during that period of time.
math also like nvr concentrate alot..
dun even knw wad pang is talking abt...
i still got the strength to copy down the egs are alr very good liao hor.

btw, during the run, i saw the other *him*, he smiled at me!!!!
WAH!!! totally make me super motivated to run~!
SWEET!~
but today, nothing much with the actual him.
hmms, wad is wrong with me?
first time im so uncertain of wad im feeling lo!
ahh~!

寻找梦想 7:58 PM

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are we that dense sometimes?
or is it that we know it, just pretend not to.
旁观者清，当局者迷啊！
sometimes, we just dunwanna admit the fact,
even though it is staring right back into our face.
but if it concerns the other person and causing them pain...
有时候是真的应该放手的。
爱，不只是用嘴说说而已。
真的爱的话，就要学会放手，不然你永远不知道爱是什么。
痛，是留给自己的。
就因为爱，所以看着她幸福就好了。
很难。我知道。
很痛，我明白。

这一次，我也想要自私一点。
不要像前两次一样了，不要再放手了。
欺骗自己，有时候也是让自己快乐的一种方式。

寻找梦想 11:49 AM

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im alr ignoring u, can u juz stop harping on the issue?!
i knew that this peace will not last.
it will never last!
how can the 2 pple that can NOT get along stay in the same house?
ohmygod, seeing all his horrible habits and ways just irritates me more and more!
ahhhh!
最让我看不过眼的就是男生没有男士风度。
女生们，你们不那么认为吗？
或许我们真的没有什么好期待的了。
不过，男生们，你们不要以为 sense of gentlemen is just lame and nothing much...
well, it's not working...
最可恶的没有风度的行为。。。
1）不能体谅女生身理的状况
2）拿女生的身理开玩笑
3）忽略身边的女生的存在

这是我现在能想到最惨的三个。
我爸，就犯了第一条。
我的四个朋友犯了第二条。其中两个是我这辈子最好的两个男性朋友。
真是可悲，不要说我心胸狭窄，因为他们的嘲笑声让我的心痛了满久的。
不要以为说说而已没有关系。。。
你们不知道就连最不会假装的女生，还是会拥有女生的本性。
隐藏心理的痛，然后暗地里恨你，一辈子不会忘记。
这将会是我们友情里的一滴污点。
到现在，他们还不知道呢。
不要以为女生嘴里说没事就真的是没事了。
大错特错了，看起来越没事的，就越有事哦。

不过还好啦，我也有遇过很有风度的男生。
1）会帮女生开门
2）会让女生先上巴士
3）会主动帮女生提东西，不管多轻
4）走路时会走在女生的旁边或稍微后面一些
5）走窄路，会往后退，让女生先过
6）女生东西掉了，会用比较快的速度帮女生捡起来
7）会等女生，而不是让女生等你

很简单是吗？有多少人可以做到啊？

好了，发泄完了，谈谈自己。
loads of hmwk,do until i shriek!
and i did only less than half today. ohnos!
alrights, "my hear skips a beat even when i see your name"
that is hell ya, true.
for me, that is.
想到你就会笑，真是疯了。
想起和你说话的时候，和你在一起的时候，心里就会充满很多很多的幸福。
你是唯一一个开我玩笑，我还会笑着回应你的人。
你是唯一一个，只要你现身，我就可以很开心的人，
我应该也有一点不一样对吧？
第一次，就想保持现在的状态，就这样就好了。
虽然当你和别的女生微笑时，我会嫉妒。
但是，只要心里想到和你的微不足道的所有，我又会微笑了。
haiz, that is it.

寻找梦想 7:44 PM

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the new p, he has gained my utmost respect.
he knows what to do and what is his ultimate goal.
i think that RV will change for the better!
although i cant rly be part of the change,
but i would love to see what RV will become 10 years down the road.
With his support, im gonna put in extra effort!
but, only 2 wks since sch reopen and im alr feeling exhausted.
i alr feel the lack of time of everything...
i alr feel the stress
but i will not doubt myself because i know that there is more to come for the next
10 months or so and i know that i have to get tougher!

四目交接的时候 不要停留太久
适可而止的问候 关心不能太过
好奇也别去探索 嫉妒只能深锁
如果忍不住寂寞 也不能对你说

啊好朋友啊我的好朋友
不小心的沉默 不想让你太难过

* 我们就站在落地窗的两边
就算触碰也有了界限
如果跨越过彼此那道边界
是靠近还是更遥远

相信我们走到另一个境界
搭肩高唱友谊万万岁
要是我爱你变成了语言
什么会多一些 什么会少一些

就让别人去猜测 我们清白的很
就让自己去承受 那种清白的闷
就算我只是朋友 能不能有要求
如果会发生什么 还是我想太多

啊好朋友就只是好朋友
不小心说出口 微笑中藏着难过

Repeat *

你会不会也曾闪过这感觉
一念之间就要差一点
要是我爱你变成了利剑
什么会被消灭 什么才会复原

那是我的底线 继续将你暗恋

张志诚的暗恋。。。
很贴切，但是这首歌不能听太多，因为会变得很忧郁。

寻找梦想 8:36 PM

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今天我的心情很好。
不过，很在意自己的心情被他那么容易的左右。
和他说话的时候，神情会变得紧张，笑容却有那难得一见的羞涩。

来了，什么都不会去考虑了。
没有青筋暴起的手臂。。。
没有冷峻的背影。。。
没有沉默寡言。。。
没有最重要的 180 公分的身高。。。
本来这么一个普通的人，这么一个和我的王子沾不上边的人。。。
为什么？

tmr got pe... zzz

寻找梦想 8:36 PM

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从来都不知道你对我的影响有多大，
直到你回头对着我微笑。
因为相信，所以我说服我自己
多大的苦何为去我都要撑下去，
只为了在路的尽头看见你。。。

寻找梦想 8:43 PM

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went to watch skipbeat a few days ago since anna make it sound like it is super nice.
hmm, i dun rly like the drawing style coz i think that their proportion is way out.
i think it's even worse than clamp de...
ohwells, but the plot is not bad.
but i read manga super slowly online. i think will take me a year to finish that 150 chapters and counting...
was super busy due to the year 5 orientation for the past three days.
for all the days, i reach home aft 8pm...
zzz well, i shant say anything abt the orientation here.
i juz wanna apologize to all the pple whom i snapped at or some sort...
when i was too fed up and pissed, yup im sorry. >.<
ohkay i attented this course on writing short stories last nov
and the person in charge send me an email asking me to join their newspaper
writing committee, well naturally i was overjoyed!
but, now im slightly worried abt the workload as MANY teachers stress us alr.
time is gonna be tight and i shall start mugging starting from today.
i will revise everyday and this will not be an empty promise to myself.
yes, i knw that i can still relax, play a little during the breaks
and weekends and stuff, but i know that i have to be on high alert now
and switch my gear up to full power mode.
it's not easy but it's not impossible.
dunno when pw results are coming out, im scared and nervous...
haiz, wad if...
no, i shant be negative.
I WILL GET STRAIGHT As!


ytd was quite a woohaa...
well, i have never heard a principal make a speech in that way before.
i am not saying that it is good.
in fact, i was infuriated at the beginning.
Because, i dun see his point of demoralising the yr 5s.
he said: "i wont tell you work harder now because everything is history."
yes, it is indeed true that no one can do anything now.
nothing can be changed for the o level HCL results.
yes, they are now history.
so, if he prefers to look at the present and the future.
"Work hard" still applies doesn't it?
a little encouragement for the yr 5s to strive for the better for a lvls, would have been not a bad idea, aint it?
well, actually, the facts that he have raised are not wrong.
and i do agree that we still have alot of work to do, much more effort to be put in.
i juz dun rly like the way he brings his ideas across.
he is a great leader, someone who is sure of what he wants and what are his goals.
someone who is willing to face the problems and solve them.
someone who is direct and speaks freely.
BUT, yes as usual there is a but.
i dun think there is a need to be so extreme.
I believe that if he tries to tell us how he feels in another way,
maybe more pple can accept his thinking.
yes, some of us may not be able to control our overflowing emotions
and thus leading to us being unable to think logically at that point in time.
but that is a mistake that everyone makes, and i mean EVERYONE.
all in all, the main ideas... point taken.
but the harshness and the tone, i think there is room for improvement and also for understanding.
i hope that we are not too late...
i hope that the changes can have an impact on us too
so that we really are on par with others outside.
i hope that his way of nurturing will be better.
i hope.

寻找梦想 6:11 PM

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ohkay i have nothing much to blog about myself today,
so lets move our focus slightly to the celebs world.
first thing first, i saw on the msn news today.
ahems, the Taylors split.
ohkay, now they are rumoured to have split up.
i mean thats not a bad news for me, ohwells but the rumours are that...
Lautner's ex, Selena Gomez broke that taylors couple up.
i mean, ya i dun rly like Lautner tgth with Swift, but
they are much better tgth than Lautner with Gomez.
ohmygod! i think maybe like a couple of weeks ago, i would have
gone mad after hearing this news, but now.
ohwells, who the hell is Taylor Lautner.
ohkay, maybe not that extreme. but yea, it was just his bod on the blow up screen that made me gasp for that couple of moments and swoon over him for about a week.
But hey, that's all over. It proves to me that stars need a little more than
a fantastic body to lock on the gazes of those girls.
I know clearly that i will drool over him again next year, with eclispe.
but,ya there's still plenty of time before that.
next, i went to watch kesha's tik tok MV
haha ya, it is kinda retarded but well, the song is nice.
And i realised kesha is kinda nice as in looks wise.
yup, think i will like her more though!
and then i went to watch Miley Cyrus' Party in the USA.
hmm, i think that if she juz sing and dun act in hannah...
i will like her more. i mean she is kinda good and everything.
ohwells, maybe soon i will change my perspective of her and y'know.

寻找梦想 2:49 PM

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went shopping with anna today...
i was halfway on the guilt trip coz i was spending quite a lot of my mum's money this holidays.
argh ohwells but i did buy a lot of stuff today leh
to add to my new year fashion collection
haha
lemme list out all the things that i bought today.
1)Brown ribbon hairband (anna bought a black one)
2)A green and black checkered wallet (the damn trendy one! anna bought the red one)
3)Ear sticks
4)A pink cool jacket
5)A really worth it red puma water bottle
6)A grey nice sleeved shirt! love it!
7) White school shoes

We ate subway for lunch, we shared the one foot meal.
i found out that we are totally suitable to share a meal!
we like subway melts, like honey mustard and mayo and our drink!
ultimate! mix sprite and lemon tea!
haha din tell her that juz now, lest she gets too ego haha

i am happy today!
but as sch is starting and i begin to change all my old stuff to the new one...
there is this lingering thought in my heart.
complaining and blaming me for not studying enough during this hols
and making good of my time to revise.
and yes, i have to admit that and it makes me feel really bad.
so, im gonna start promising myself to really really buck up.
do wad i had t do for this last year, then from then on,
i can really proceed to fulfilling my dream.
i hope and pray that i can do it.
nah, i MUST do it! Jiayous! Gambatte! Fighting!

oh btw, thx serming alot for the mag that u bought for me!
me <3 it!
haha GOT KIM BUM INSIDE!!! <333
Damn a lot of pages some more.
and hor, got haruma miura inside, u knw the guy who acted in koizora movie.
ya he look super shuai in the movie la, but...
haiz he looks so disappointing now.
haha i think i will juz keep staring at his koizora face!
That's enough alr! <333

寻找梦想 9:42 PM

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it's finally out!
my earrings are out!
but they are not that healthy i guess, got infection i think. bleagh
and hor juz now i got a hell of my time.
pain until 我狂飙冷汗！
又不能吹风扇，寒啊！
还把 sofa 弄湿了一大片。
唉！我的身体到底是怎么了？
做女人真惨。

寻找梦想 4:18 PM

想不到，我的心还真是容易被收买呢。
channel U is gonna show 就想赖着你！
ohmygod! i wanna watch! i wanna watch!
got 言承旭！谁说世界上没有冷酷王子的？
他就是一个好不好！本人就是那种冷漠，理智，冷静型的！
外加上常常演的角色也是这样！
又帅，又有钱，又是那样完美的性格，谁说找不到？
天啊！谁说我花心的？
他是我第一个恋上的台湾偶像哦！看我是多么的痴情！
七年以来，虽然变心过几次，但是现在还是依然喜欢着他啊！
帅啊！~~~
我好想看！真的真的超想看的。
可是，妈妈一定不会让我追，她知道我疯狂的程度。。。
我自己也知道，自己也知道看下去就完了。
要看也要等 a levels finish le 才看。
可是，那要等多久啊？一年耶！我的妈啊！拜托了！唉！

shopping! new year shopping! here i come! YAYS!

寻找梦想 12:01 PM

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<3333 Jennie to the max!!!!
me, jennie and huiyuan went to JP to eat lunch aft the big walk today.
then hor she bought me KOIZORA DVD as my last yr bdae prezzie!!!
HOLY! i cant believe that i own KOIZORA now!!!!
woots! and we bought huiyuan the thread of destiny for her bdae too! :D
we are all happy and contented pple!!!
YAYS!!! and DOUBLE YAYS!!!!

but... my earring got prob. again. zzz
it cant be taken out!
ohmygod! the behind the supporting is alr gone, it dropped off
without me realising. but they are still there.
they are stuck to the hole!
ohmygod! im like desperately trying to turn them to make them looser
and so that i can take them out.
arghs! prays with me pls...

and ohya, i realise that some guys arnd me are quite nice, quite gentlemen and quite cute! haha but as usual, the good ones are all taken la huh
lols
ohya and i like guys who 扯 each other clothes
like wanna fight lidat! haha i think damn cool leh!
esp if the 手上和太阳穴上的青根暴起！
i also like the action whereby the guy pull the girl roughly behind them
to protect them and use their own body to shield the girl!
yeehaa!!! <333
我对樱井弘树重燃爱火了啦！
he is like super suited for that blonde white hair style!
i have never seen anyone else who is more suited for it!
i saw a couple of hair colours like that in taiwan, but they are not shuai.
unlike haruma miura!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

寻找梦想 9:35 PM

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今天是 2010 年的第一天。
大家新年快乐哦！
2009 年是我认为最让我不舍的一年。
因为在这一年里，我感受到了很多人给我的鼓励，还有很多的快乐和期待。
这一年，也是我过的最充实的。
所以，在2009 年的最后一天，我感到非常快乐，因为这一年来我学到了很多。
希望明年的所有也可以如此顺顺利利的，也希望大家一样快乐哦！

我回来了！休息了几天，补充了一下精力。
before i blogged about my taiwan trip, i shall blog abt ytd first.
ytd i went to my grandma hse (paternal side) to have dinner
and also pass them the prezzies i bought for them.
then we went to the hawker centre nearby to eat.
we ordered some satays and some other stuff frm a not bad tzu char stall.
then got this 小弟弟 who delivers food for us.
he got potential leh! when he delivers food for us, he got the total 拽 look!
长大一定不得了。haha and he kept looking at me LOLS
小弟弟，快快长大，姐姐等你哦！哈哈！

台湾！
i shall blogged about it on the whole bah
pics, i will upload soon onto facebook. soon la haha
第一天起了一个大早去搭飞机，心里满满的都是期待。
i went there with a haversack and a luggage, haha
guess wad i return with lols
i return with a haversack, a luggage, a huge box, a carrier and 2 plastic bags!
lemme me count wad i bought first la------
i bought 2 pairs of bubble shorts and a skirt.
一条连身裙，and 3 tops.
one sweater and a cap!
ohkay right? acceptable right?
我还买了五本书，
泡沫之夏
烈火入歌
君空：是恋空里面男主角的 perspective.
待会儿得来把它们包一包。
the clothes there are quite cheap budden the books there are average la...
对了对了！我下飞机的时候，看到了飞轮海的人形看板，所以我就兴奋得跑去和他们合影了！
真是可惜，没能去看林俊杰的签唱会。
还有还有！飞轮海在我离开后才去西门町宣传。
无缘啊！无缘！而且，都没有看到任何明星。。。
其实噢~ the guys there the standard abt the same as the singapore one la
as in their looks la not exactly very fantastic...
budden their dress sense is superb!
they look super shuai frm the back! but frm the front i dunno la
lols and i saw ALOT of tall guys!!!!!! SHUAI!!!
所以，两国的男生比一比的话，还是台湾的男生略胜一筹的。
我去了西门町和五分浦疯狂购物，还有士林夜市也蛮好逛的呢！
我还去了九份，买了很多的土产，野柳看女皇头还有去了基隆夜市。
还有还有，中正纪念堂和故宫。
我也去了淡水，走过了情人桥，哈哈！
不错不错，拍了很多很多照片哦！还去了小人国。
小人国固然很可爱，但是它的游乐设施不是那么的刺激啦。
改次，如果有和 anna 再去台湾的话，那么我们就去六福村吧！
哈哈！我也有和她见面然后一起去购物！呵呵！～　
sentosa de theme park is opening soon! i wanna go!~
but cons says aft our a levels, so i shall patiently wait!

这一次台湾之旅震得过得很愉快。
虽然每一天睡得很迟，起得很早，但是每一天都过得很充实。
第一次让我真正感觉到度日如年也可以那么快乐了。
虽然在台湾逗留只有短短的几天时间，但是尝试了很多不一样的东西，每一分每一秒都没有浪费。
所以不会觉得时间过得很快，因为把时间利用得很好，所以我也是带着快乐的心情会新加坡的！
对于，一些人叫我买的东西我没有买到，实在很抱歉。
有些是我找不到，还有些是我不够钱买，也没有位放了。
真是不好意思哦！
还有，台湾的人们真的是很热情！试吃外加送着送那的。
真是感动啊！还让我们杀价！我杀价的功夫可不是盖的哦！
哈哈！那边的人和亲切，服务也很棒！

oh and hor, when i first stepped out of the hotel,
got this guy stopped me and my aunt and wanna sell us smth la
he sweet talked and blah and blah
but he said one wrong thing he called me jiejie...
he said: jiejie, help me buy la!
argh! im either same age as him or younger than him lo!
he said to me and my aunt: are you'all sisters?
my aunt said: but we have no use for this and gave it back
haha that made me put back his item on his hand, patted him and told him:
ahems,　还有，我好像比你年轻哦！再见～！
bleagh no matter how much he whine and blah, he failed thats it.
回去再学两年吧！或者直接派个帅哥过来，就可以说服我买了啊！

寻找梦想 12:39 PM

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