>

cantiaohai aka mini_ds

hoho.
looking for bleach oics now.
and of course me busy mugging la.

寻找梦想 7:00 PM

_____________

I realised that many pple are emo nowadays.
But i dunno whether i am emo or am i losing the smile?
At first, i am still trying to cope with everything and try to be myself.
But maybe with so many things happening, i am even losing that bit of me.
Smiles, are so familiar and yet so not familiar.
I am afrad, very afraid that one day the smile that hangs on my face will not be recognised by me anymore. I am scared tat i dunno whose that smile is someday.
I am always the one asking pple to relax and chill and be there for them.
But me? Who knows. Probably it's becoz i can't say it out.
I dunno how to put them into words.
Will saying them out makes me feel better?
I am actually dying of sadness, bitterness, hateness and stress.
Is that considered as depression?
I dunno, Wads wrong with this brain of mine?
When im with my friends, i can still smile.
As they were the ones who make me forget all those things temporarily.
When i am alone, all of those juz keep on flooding out on me.
Maybe someday, i may drown. Maybe then, there will be no more troubles.
When will i be normal again?

寻找梦想 8:41 PM

_____________

Today is a sad sad day.
Got back progress report and although everything seem a little ok, but it turn out not so. I am sooooo worried for my future. My burden is like so huge can.
I obviously didn't get wad i wanted and since my results are lidat, it is not a surprise that i got this kind of report card. But wad about my future?
Other than saying that i will work harder for the rest of the year. i seriously can do nothing else.
I wanna pia, but sometimes i juz feel so tired.
I somehow can't continue anymore
but i will still try, my very best.

寻找梦想 8:16 PM

_____________

I once think that delta bonded, i also not that bonded with them.
I can laugh more and play more with my classmates.
But... those that will stay for me, back me up, encourage me and be with me braving through fire and storm will not be my classmates, but my platoonmates.
Ncc is of course more strict and we have less time to fool around.
But i came to realise tat fun is not everything.
It's the feeling of being there.
I am happy that i have ever met all my platoon mates and simply that they exist.
I live for them.
And i can say that if they need me, i will be there.
And i know they can say the same things loudly.
We have braved through so much.
We suffered together, giving one another hugs and encouragement
to go on and pull them up when they collaspes.
We won't leave them behind.
Platoon mates are different from normal friends and classmates
who may dumped you in a mess and leave you there.
Platoon mates are more like family.
In a fight, it will be my platoon mates who stayed with me.
Bearing it with me, sharing the pain with me.
Not anyone else.
And i will be there to share all the pain with all my platoon mates.
4 years, is a long and meaningful time.
My heart has 15 places. All reserved for them without
any rankings, and the last one is me.
We will be there for one another, till time stops.
Till the sun rises and sets.
Delta, forever.

寻找梦想 9:23 PM

yoyoyo...
Went sentosa on tuesday with delta...
hahas, stupid me forget to bring extra clothes so nv go down water.
Anyway, keep raining so a bit sian larh...
But we did the sand thingy and it feels quite cool with all the sand covered on our legs.
The heart on my part looks like a circle though.
All in all, quite FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!
It will be even more cool if we can go there for a longer period of time,
and interact with the guys more. Coz we are like 2 separate gangs there.
read a few blogs and me starting to get emo le.
Delta... we will be together forever!!!
No mood to blog le.

寻找梦想 9:05 PM

_____________

HEYYLO PEOPLE!!!!!!
I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
humans are ironical animals.
At first, i am afraid and dunwan the UG camp to come, coz i'll be under loads and loads of stress then. But now that it's over, i hope that i can stay longer.
There's soooo much things happening, be it good or bad, they all leave a very deep impression on me. Since i got sooooo much things to say, i came to blog instead of going to sleep.
I have been sleep deprived and my eyelids are drooping.
But i still wanna talk about this.

DAY ONE:
In school, i am very nervous and afraid that i almost collaspe.
I am afraid that i may not do a good job and screwed it up.
However, i have no chice, i changed to my no. 4 in class then head for cca.
Many people are taking their ss test so i decided to give a talk
to the part As female cadets. Tell them about my expectations and
the rules and regulations that we have.
I put on a serious face and be firm with them.
Juz that first day got nothing very hiong.
We distributed their new uniform and stuff.
Ask them and teach them the correct way to wear their smart 4.
I juz screamed a little on their attitude.
On their too soft voices and their sloppy and draggy movements.
But they dun seem to listen, so more shouting and pissed.
Then something surprising happened.
He came to look for me to discuss with me wad we should do for the platoon.
Field cooking up next... Our Rp went out to buy chicken rice for us, but
it was a bit late and resulting us to be hungry...
Here, i wanna say a big THANK YOU!!!!!!!
to one particular group of juniors.
They lemme eat 2 of their mushrooms.
And, at that point in time, mushrooms tasted heavenly.
A couple of specs saw and they were like, "JIAYI!!!! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS!!!" hehe.
Then, empty stomach accounted for my bad mood.
So screamed at a few male juniors for playing and talking back to me.
SCREAMING...
Next, is their admin time when they get to bathe and clean their bunk.We cleared up too...
Then, EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!
Checking of bunk was completely terrible.
I watch from when they were busy keeping and standardizing their things,
to 'ROOM DIAM' and greeted us...
That is how we exactly used to be!
Scold abit more... here and there.
Then our turn to bathe and sleep.
Sentry duty was quite ok... coz
first day still not that tired then can patrol around.

DAY TWO:
Pt in the morning, ok bah...
I can manage it. Then will be the breakfast and combining of guys and girls.
We taught them IFC... i screwed up.
Coz she's standing there and stuff, made me feel very nervous and stressed...
And i screwed up. I did 2 things wrong during the demo and
i felt bad, embarrassed and sad and sorry.
Afternoon was the test and wad i can say was that it was horrible.
They cannot rmb and did weird things.
So the marks not very good.
However, when compared to Alpha 2, i am beginning to worry
as they marked very strictly.
Many zeros, while mine... hehe.
Ok, but maybe we really have different views.
I dun think that we are lenient and that mark was ok, so i left it at that.
During the test, screwed up a bit too.
Then at night, screwed even more. But we shall talk about the nice
nice things first. After the test, i taught the cadets how to nicely tie their
bootlace, yes it was hard making them understand, but after when they did, i really felt happy.
Somemore, i teach them drills, and they improved!!!!!
I am really touched!!!!!
They got learn marching from us too, and
they are like getting better and better everytime.
Even though when they drop their jockey cap and i knocked them down,
all of them shouted. Esp the timer, he is finally shouting and i can see the man-ness in him.
This batch of juniors are very obedient and honestly, i nearly cried when i see their drills.
It may not be near to perfect yet, but i seriously can see all the effort they put in.
They were trying very hard to shout loudly and move swiftly.
The sloppy slowly pumping position was changed
to a much swifter one that i think for part a, it is really good le.
So i am really really really happy that i smiled at them.
I think that will be one direct smile i directed at them.
Then next they have their dinner. And somehow, our relationships close in alot
and we can be really happy together!!!!! I was really touched!!!!
ok, then we got tekan with a reason,
Our checking of strength was not up to standard, communication breakdown
cause cadets to wonder around.
Sirs scolded us and we were sad and afraid....
And the sirs raised the issue of the IFC problem and
i was really afriad as the ones they were talking was us.
After pumping, sir asked: Who is Alpha 1 PCs?
We raised our hands and i was starting to drip cold sweat
as i thought that sirs are gonna punish us!!!
Sirs: who is Alpha 2 PCs?
Sirs: Alpha 1 did a good job teaching the cadets how to tie bootlace and stuff.
I think he said something along this line budden i was sooooo shocked!
I thought he was gonna scold us at first.
But still, it was a good thing out of all the bad ones.
then we went to sleep and i really cannot take it le.
I was soooo tired that i dunwanna wake up for sentry duty...
Lean against the pole and fell asleep a couple of times.
I really cannot wake myself up.

DAY THREE:
Pratically drag my body to wash up and prepare for pt.
I dunno whether is the pt too hiong or the pple too weak.
Coz many fall out and reported sick. But ok larh, they went back after a while.
Juz tat got one Alpha 2 cadet pulled a muscle and we have to half carry and half
bring her up to the Ops room.(wonder why it's in the second storey in the first place.)
Massage her feet with some medicine, then i went back...
Then he passed me something and they are the written nicely scoresheets.
Thank him a lot and he really helped me a lot.
Glad that we can cooperate together and make this a success.
Happy happy happy.
Took them for drills, scold a bit and then AAR.
They need to write their (i dunno how to spell the word) juz some feedback about
the specialists in charge.
Lemme see which few i can rmb.
"Very fierce" i received quite a number of that and i am quite pleased.
Coz, at least they know that i am strict and firm with them.
"Quite strict" "sometimes fierce but can be quite friendly."
"strict at times but patient when teaching us". Thses too.
And one said: She is cute.
I am like ...
this is like the 2nd time i heard that from my cadets le.. oho.
Then "she is nice and tried not to be too strict."
I laughed and told them that actully i am not a fierce and strict person at all
and i am actually trying to be strict... Not not strict..
But ya, it is alright, thats their feedback.
Got one girl says "moodswings" then i rmb wad zhengyang said.
Heyy... when we are fierce is not becoz we have mood swings lo.
It is because that the cadets standard did not reach our expectations
and they make those mistakes repeatedly and make us pissed.
Started crapping abt jap anime
and it was quite a hot topic that make everyone high.
Budden it's time to be serious and to drill again.
So i force myself to put on a straight face and train and drill them.
We pump them, to help them learn.
But at the end of it, they can give me quite a solid bang
and i am really really happy!!!!!
PART As!!!!!!!!!! ME LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And i wanna thank whoever helped me and encouraged me all the way.
All my platoon mates who allowed me to smile and not collaspe throughout
the camp and their hugs that gave me great comfort. THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alpha OC, thank you for helping me train Alpha 1 platoon,
and then Alpha 1 Apc... I really appreciate your help.
GREATEST THANKS!!!!!!!!!! :DDD

寻找梦想 4:29 PM

_____________