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cantiaohai aka mini_ds

I realised, I like guys with stubble.
Hehe, and I like skinny ties!

今天在学校的图书馆看到了很多很好看的书。
好久好久不见的灵感兄弟终于跑回来和我相见了。
所以，虽然今天不是读了很多书( i din mug a lot today :/)，但是，心情还是很愉快的。
看着天空，竟然浮现出了久违的想要傻笑的冲动。
似乎觉得今天真的有比昨天好一些。
让我有继续努力，继续奋斗的力量。
还有，在图书馆里，看到了恋空的下本。
翻到最后面的几章，泪水竟然不是不觉地涌了上来。
恋空的却是我最好的催泪剂。
或许是因为弘树的身影深刻的烙印在我心里，挥之不去。
或许是三浦春马演得太过触动人心，害我的泪水像决堤的水坝，收不住啊！
烦恼的时候，压力的时候，哭不出来的时候，可以看一下。
就好像真的有弘树在守护我一般，陪着我度过所有开心，不开心的事情。

Monday Blues, well, they are certain and bound to come.
But it is different for today.
I plugged on the radio this morning and first thing i heard was Leavin' by JMac.
Then bierber nd IYAZ's song. And loads more favourites.
Hearing JMac's voice just chased all my blues away, and my spirit lifted.
And I smiled, didn't even feel like sleeping.
Ahh~ The power of music! The power of love~~

还有，要谢谢很多一直陪在我身边，不管风吹雨打，晴天霹雳的时候，都一直给予我不懈的鼓励的你们！
真的很谢谢你们，很爱你们！
如果，我有一天忍不住扑到你的怀里，告诉你我好喜欢你，请你不要吓一跳哦！
请你用同样的力道紧紧地抱着我好吗？

寻找梦想 9:41 PM

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I guess I am just getting too tired and stressed out.
There don't seems to be enough time, but seemingly endless things to complete.
And, I feel exasperated.
Swimming, no, drowning in tons of problems that totally overwhelmed me.
I wake up in the morning, dreading the day ahead and counting down to every weekend.
I don't want this to happen.
I want myslef to enjoy my everyday in school and remember as many faces and as many events as possible so that i can look back someday and smile with tears.
I still have about 6 more months to go and I am feeling like I've died.
Every week, I've died and revived again.
Pissed, frustrated at the questions that I was not able to solve.
Screaming loud inside about relationship problems.
What is happening? Kinship, friendship.
Everything is just spinning out of control and all I can do is stare.
And listen to all the nasty things that kept bouncing off my skull.
I don't know how to say, how to confide.
I see THE look, the are you serious, ohmygod, i feel so sorry for you look.
Or the you must be exaggerating again look.
Please, look beyond the superficial level of me.
How much do you think you know me?
From the way you speak and talk to me, I know that you think that you understood me 100 percent, but guess what, I am so much more than that.
Surprise! Not.
I have no idea what to say anymore.
I can just nod like a doll. And I feel vulnerable to the mood swings within me.
I am sorry, it was not intentional.
If i had snapped at you, rolled eyes at you for the past 2 weeks, I apologise.
I am sorry, I don't even know why.
Sudden mood swings make me even more exasperated.
I hope this moods will pass quickly and leave the peace behind.
And thanks everyone who showed their concern for me today.
I really appreciate it, that pushed my tolerance level up and allow me to bear with the pain better. I got a feeling that all the mood swings got to do with IT!
ahh~! Let's see how it is after it pass.
Haiz, painssssssssss!
Mugging sapped me from my life. I have no more life left.

寻找梦想 8:44 PM

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是因为我，你们之间的关系才会变僵的吧？
因为我，所以你不喜欢他了？气他了？
那么我呢？我和他之间的隔阂会消失吗？
不会的吧。是他所做的一切让她会受到那么多痛苦，会让我又如此惭愧和内疚的心情。
他不能给的，我以后会不给她。
所以我想，我现在能做的只有在她身边继续微笑。
让她知道熬过这一切便会和我一起看到彩虹。
让我们一起尝尝辛苦过后美丽的甘甜。

寻找梦想 8:17 PM

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HAPPY~~~~
but that happiness lasted for only a while.
not that i dun cherish it, i feel rly gratified and stuff...
but this also makes me realised that how helpless i am
and how useless i am when it comes to friends around me being sad.
I can't do anything.
Sighs~
all the sad pple out there, cheers up k?
Everything will turn for the better.

I dun think now is the time to rejoice and celebrate.
Because, we haven't get through the real thing yet.
I think i am pushing myself too hard.
But if i dun that, i will hate myself for slacking.
So, im kinda at lost, but...
yea, mugger = loner?
if i have to be a loner, to be able to mug efficiently, then perhaps i will become one.
hmm, you reminded me when u said that to me.
am i becoming more zi bi?
seems to me that more and more pple are getting sadder and stuff.
are they going through the same things as me?
Mugging? Family? Friends?
bleagh! im tired, but i know that i have to keep going.

寻找梦想 1:27 PM

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我们到底在追求什么。。。
不说，只会使得彼此的误会变得更深。
我不明白，为什么注定我会失去一些东西。
抓住一个，转眼间，失去另一个。
我真的不能做一个自私有贪心的人吗？
我想手里握着的全部都是朋友的手，一个都不想放开。
真的不能够吗？
然后因为不要上好彼此，而正好伤害了对方。
累了，就的放手吗？
大家都累了吗？

寻找梦想 8:26 PM

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I found this super cool and nice function on my phone!
haha i shall give everybody a surprise!!!
hehe hopes i rmb though:D

From now on, i shall appear offline no matter wad.
So, if im there, im not there.
If im not there, im not there.

hehe and stressed~~~

寻找梦想 7:27 PM

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ohman a whole new week is gonna start...
i dunwanna~~~
ohman, it's gonna take me my life b4 i can wait until the next weekend.
it's DOOM!

寻找梦想 9:53 PM

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HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY JESSE MCCARTNEY!!!!
Woots~~~
super unproductive this week.
but somehow my mood is not bad this whole week!
i shall make up for all the sleep that i have lost all week! :D

寻找梦想 8:10 PM

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watched the sister's keeper at constance house today with huiyuan, zhengyang and obviously constance lols
the movie is good, plot is not bad, but it was not the worst that i've cried.
is that becoz im with company? so i tried to hold my emotions in? perhaps.
well, there are a couple of cute guys in the show.
haha i know, right?
i mean, as usual, these are the things that i look out for in movies.
Thomas Dekker and Evan Ellingson.
I checked them out just now.
Well, quite a disappoinment. Thomas Dekker played Taylor in the show.
And he was a leukemia patient, he was bald.
But i dunno why, maybe is the feeling or the character he tried to portray.
his slightly punk look in the show, attracts me to him.
He is cool, in the show.
But i have expected it. i said then, i dun think he will look good with hair.
Hmm, and constance begs to differ.
Well, i dun rly agree with his hair.
Hmm, and most part of HIM. not the taylor in the show, but looking at him as Thomas Dekker.
there are a couple of pictures showing him with stubble that looks quite cute,
but other than that... nah.
He is alright, but not fantastic. not having the wow factor or even the cute factor anymore. And he is 23 this year. (Jmac is going 23 too!)
Hmm, the other guy, evan ellingson played Jesse.
haha love the name! Jmac's bdae is coming btw. 3 days frm now:D
oh... and ohmygod! that evan ellingson is 22!
din look that old on the screen. thought he was about my age.
ahhwells. i din have my hopes up up high anyway in the first place.
lols i wanna watch MANGA!

Welcome back, sweetheart!<333
I feel happy, being able to put my hands in yours.:D

寻找梦想 9:23 PM

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Im just sick and tired of the instant happiness and instant sadness.
I just cannot stand your fluctuating moods.
Can't you tell that i don't want to talk to you, that's why im ignoring you?

Is it me?
Is it me who has started it all?
Am i the one who let you down first?
Is that why there is this distance between us?
I thought we said that we will be on the same line of defence?
But why is the problem not solved and yet our friendship is at stake.
I am sorry, truly i am.
I thought we will be best friends forever?
We will be happy together, always?
But then, during these 2 weeks, it's just different.
Is it me being sensitive?
If i did wrong, i would rather you come and talk to me and we sort it out together.
I don't want out relationship to sour.
Do you know that i am talking about you?
If i say i want to talk, will you give me the chance to sit you down and chat with you?
Or do you see that as meaningless?
Or have you already given up hope for me?
I am so sorry and i just want to say...
I cherish you a lot and i can never forget how happy we were, how carefree we were.
We can go mad together, we used to eat and play and run together.
We used to walk to the bus stop together, go home together.
Sit in lectures together.
I hope that nothing is going to change.
I hope.

TGIF

I need a break, haha get me a kit kat.
and my tears can't seem to flow out.
But i know that, once someone hugs me now, once someone touch that part on my heart,
i will cry.
but not yet, i guess if i don't say, no one will realise that i am in agony.
But, i do see who are the ones who truly care about me.
Loves, give me a hug alright?

寻找梦想 8:27 PM

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