Friday, December 24, 2010
I am in no position to apologize.
I just feel sorry for myself.
Why can't I be a little bit more aware and a little bit more observant?
Why can't I be a little bit more of control of my own feelings?
And know exactly what I want?
So that I won't hurt the ones that I hold dearest to my heart.
I've never intented to leave.
But all these seems like feeble attempts of excusing myself.
Too feeble.
I can't ask for any forgiveness.
Because there is nothing to forgive, becuase they understand.
It makes me even more guilty when they understand so well.
They should not understand me, they should not accept me!
Again contradiction overwhelmed me.
That, of course, is not what I truly want.
But, I feel that it is truly what should happen.
So, I know that I am blessed.
And from now on, I keep in mind that I will never make these mistakes again.
So long as they are here with me, I will not let them slip through my hands again.
And henceforth, I promise.
With all my heart, and even with a dagger pointing to my throat, I will never let them slip away. Never ever.
It is my blessing to be able to find them in my life today.
And I hope that even when I die and move on, I will be able to bring this blessing to the next lives I have and find them again.
And not be too absorbed in my own world, that I neglect theirs.
And not think too much about the pessimistic point of view, and doubt myself along with the others that love me.
Sometimes I get too carried away in my insecurity that I forget that they will always be there for me.
Insecurity blinds me more often than I would like, and I lost the light and warmth that they provided for me.
But I always knew, and I know that I always will.
Know that they believe in me, and they are willing to take me for who I am.
Someone not perfect, someone flawed.
And I am glad, really glad.
So, from now on, I shall try my best to erase the doubt in me.
To earse the pessimistic self and simply indulge in the faith that they fill me with.
Because, only then, will I be able to be with them, completely.
寻找梦想 9:10 PM
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