Wednesday, January 26, 2011
My workplace doesn't allow facebook, twitter, y8 etc.
But they allow blogger?!
Lols so here I am now, peeking over my shoulder.
Hoping that no one comes into the printing room while I am SLACKING.
Went to lunch with Yvonne and Siti today.
Well, it's the first time.
Mu supervisor showed me the way to KOI!!!!
There is KOI near my workplace! WOOTS~~~~
Haha YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Haha she is mad about it too! :D
And even though my supervisor is not so well-liked in the department,
I can't help but be attracted to her.
Not because she is pretty or anything, not in that sense.
But because she is real.
She just shows and talk to everyone in the same way,
in her way, not bothering whether she offended anybody.
Unlike the others who, as I've observed, behaved differently in front of different people.
I am not saying that I despised them.
I know that sometimes, it has to be that way.
You don't agree with the person, but still you still have to smile and nod.
And they are nice too.
My colleauges are nice and kind, I realised.
But this getting involved and being a part of the family thing is
taking a much longer time for me this time round...
And I've thought about it.
Maybe it's not the people here that need warming up to.
Maybe it's me.
I have not been the crazy, zihigh girl ever since I stepped into this office.
Not because the office is gloomy.
On the contrary, it's usually full of laughter and high-ness.
Just that I isolate myself from it.
I am polite. I smile and wave at everyone, but that's it.
I don't show anymore.
What I failed to achieve 6 years ago, I achieved it 6 years later.
A new person, in a new environment.
No one knows that I am damn high actually.
Everyone thought I am a rather quiet, demure, cannot really do heavy chores kind of girl.
Yes, that was and is still the impression.
It's not like I am faking it either.
6 years ago, yes. That's why my disguise fell through within a week.
But this time, I just feel comfortable.
And suddenly, laughing loudly and talking to them about all the things that make me go crazy feels kinda weird.
People here are keesiaoz over korean dramas by the way LOL
Perhaps, I am just tired.
Perhaps, I need a break.
And the quietness around me is a rather comfortable change.
I don't really dread work anymore.
My work is a no brainer. And just maybe, I can survive this after all.
But this work is changing me. I walk like an OL now for instance.
OH GOD.
Hmm, and who knows.
Early contact with the adult world I guess.
But that doesn't mean that I've lost the high-ness in me.
It just depends on the mood, for now.
You are good at this, aren't you?
You always pull me back at the very last minute.
And I will believe you.
And then the entire cycle starts again.
I do not understand.
Why are people so attracted to you?
Why can't they see your flaws?
Or are they like me as well, see it but choose to ignore it?
I thought that if you continue to do this, all will leave you one day.
Or maybe not.
Because they are as foolish as me?
Or because they love you as much?
I feel sour because I care.
And because I know that I am always the one giving more.
Yet, I think that I can't give you enough.
What exactly is that power in you?
I seemed rather tired from ALL of it.
And that's when the escapism kicks in.
My favourite solution, but also the lousiest. I know.
But, escaping allows me to think.
But after I've think it through, whether the people I love will still be waiting for me is another different story.
寻找梦想 2:53 PM
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